Miscarriage: defined as the expulsion of fetus before it is able to survive independently.
Seven years ago I suffered the most arduous miscarriage process that wreaked havoc on my emotional and physical well being. Although I intuitively knew that I was pregnant before the body changes began, all of my urine tests results were negative. Finally after countless doctors appointments, I received a call back stating that one of the pregnancy test cartridges returned positive. When I arrived to the physician's office for a vaginal ultrasound, I began to bleed. This began the process of having a miscarriage in which I had to endure for the next 6 months.
My first thought of being pregnant was rejecttion because I did not want to be pregnant. I was a single mother with 3 children already and I did not want another kid. Especially not with the person I was with. I was sent to the hospital because my uterus was bleeding. At this time I was about 13 weeks pregnant. The doctors performed a D & C to clean my uterus of all the remaining fetus and I was sent home. When I arrived the next day to my doctor's office for a check- up, a lab test revealed that my HCG (pregnancy hormones) were rising. The fetus was still fighting to live. After several weeks of back and forth hospital visits and surgery to remove my uterus, due to fear that it was an ectopic pregnancy without locating the fetus. My doctor administered Methotrexate (cancer drug) to abort the fetus by allowing it to reabsorb in my body. This went on for about 4 months until my HCG levels were normal. Meaning no longer pregnant.
Many times in life we face challenges that leave us to ask God why? Maybe you are just like me. Torn between what you want and the joy it would bring. The thought of not being suited to receive that of what you were blessed with because it did not come in the package you were most familiar with. When God blesses us and opens doors for us, we battle within our mental state because we feel as though we don't deserve it or we are not qualified to have it. Rather it's a new job, new relationship, or journey. Knowing that you deserve it, you are qualified to have it. Trust the process. I toiled back and forth in my mind thinking I didn't deserve to be pregnant when I was totally against it at first. The reason being, I felt like I was not qualified. This was the wrong timing in my life. I overlooked the fact that God graced me to take care of 3 children by myself and each one is doing well in life. All I could see was that I did it alone, but I was never alone. I had the support of family and friends every step of the way.
Sometimes we expel dreams and ideas before they're able to survive. Learning from my miscarriage, I encourage you today to go back and pick up your ideas and your dreams. God has already graced you to be able to bring it to fruition. He has placed people in your path to push you along the way at every step. Take your eyes off the negative and look towards the positive. Dream Big and maximize your potential!
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